Review: Paladin Pleasure Sculptors Aquus and Ignis

Aquus’ tip is a glow in the dark beacon. I love it.

Paladin Pleasure Sculptors (abbreviated, crucially, to ppsculptors) has some of the most creative silicone pours I’ve ever seen. I am constantly amazed by what the owner and artist pulls off. Gorgeous colorshift, near-clear magic, perfect fades and incredible ribbons, crazy glow and UV… Needless to say, when PPS reached out to me about reviewing some of their new humanoid toys, my answer was “absolutely fuck yes, please, do whatever you want.” I was not disappointed. Ignis is the COOLEST four-color marble that looks like vaporwave static, and Aquus is a beautiful sunrise fade. PPS is excellent at knowing how best to bring out the detail or simplicity of a sculpt. Also, they have a Puppicorn sculpt. It’s a round fluffy dog with a unicorn horn. I trust you will now be leaving my site in order to purchase from them immediately.

One of these worked out great for me! The other one, unfortunately, I hate. But before I get into specifics, let’s talk about…The Great Dick Recession. I’ve seen several makers releasing entry-level, no-frills models lately, and it’s not too hard to guess why. Money is tight everywhere. Shops are closing their doors. Luxury purchases, like fancy monster dicks, are getting pushed down on the priority list below things like ‘rent’ and ‘eating.’ One way to save on costs and attract a new market is to branch out and create some cheaper models that are easy to print, finish, and mold, and therefore sellable at a lower price point without compromising on quality or income. Funkit’s been doing this for years with the NoFrillDos, and I’m excited to see fantasy artisans getting in on the budget action.

PPS’ entry models have the same amazing silicone pouring work as all their other models, in simple, smooth shapes. I love my crazy, high-detail models, but they’re not for everyone. Hell, on more sensitive days, they’re not for me either. These simpler, smooth models don’t necessarily represent less work. The shape has to carry the whole toy, and that isn’t easy to pull off. However, to my limited understanding, they’re easier to pour and demold, which goes a long way toward reducing labor costs. The minimal but still flared bases mean there’s no safety concerns, but there’s also no extra silicone going to a base for the sake of looks. There’s four of them, named after the four traditional elements, and I requested Ignis (the ‘hooked’ model with a curve that targets the G-spot or prostate) and Aquus (a straightforward swell).

I’m gonna talk up Aquus first, because I love Aquus. It’s the rare, perfect model where I can do whatever the fuck I want and it’ll be good. Everything from lazy and slow to fast and frantic to just leaving it in and clenching around it works. The coronal ridge and single wrinkle to suggest retracted foreskin are perfect for rubbing against the G-spot without being obnoxiously prominent. It’s just this side of realistic, slightly cartoony with the heart-shaped balls and elongated shaft with a gentle swell. Perfect for both those who prefer more human-looking shapes and those who find realistic dildos a tad uncanny valley (me). The colors help too, of course. Mine is poured in a beautiful fade from rosy pink to dusky gray, a simple pour that suits the simple model. I’ve seen some makers struggle with fades, especially when starting out– it can be tricky to get the colors to mix the exact right amount for a smooth fade effect (since what you actually do is pour several distinct colors on top of each other and…pray, I assume). Paladin Pleasure Sculptors, naturally, has it figured out perfectly. Aquus is a slam dunk for me, a workhorse I would recommend to anyone.

There’s a lot more going on in my Ignis’ pink-purple-blue-black marble. It’s absolute and complete chaos, but because the Ignis is a simple shape too, it adds to the model rather than detracting from it. It almost looks like a feather pattern, especially on the sides of the shaft, and the head looks like vaporwave tiger stripes. There’s a mix of sparkly mica and matte pigments. I will never let this model go, even though I truly cannot stand it in use. Unfortunately, the Ignis is just too hooked. It feels like it’s trying to wrestle its way out of my vagina. It actively objects to being thrusted. Instead of being stimulated in any pleasurable way, it feels like I’m trying to hammer my urethra. It bends up so far that it veers toward my clit, completely getting in the way of my vibrator. Every time I’ve tried it, I’ve given up and fumbled for Aquus. It and I simply do not get along. If it’s not bludgeoning my vagina, it’s trying to fly out and get cat hair all over it. I do not enjoy arguing with my dildos. I prefer they stay where I put them and, when moved, that they provide some kind of pleasure. The Ignis provides the sense that I’m trying to bend my vaginal canal into a new shape that it does not appreciate. In fairness, I did ask for it in Medium (00-50) firmness, which is the least flexible option for most indie dildo makers. I recommend Supersoft. Or just get an Aquus. Aquus will not disappoint you. Aquus is love Aquus is life. I’m normal about it.

Paladin Pleasure Sculptors sent me Aquus and Ignis in exchange for an honest review. Pick up your own at and be sure to subscribe to their newsletter (scroll down) for discount codes and drop news!