(Update 5/31/2020: The NoFrillDos have been redesigned! The new designs address a few of my complaints: the tip of the G is less ‘pokey’ and the bases are now teardrop-shaped! Pick them up here!)
I picked up the NoFrillDo R, G, and B at Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit last summer as an incredibly nervous, brand-new, first-conference blogger. I was the youngest person there by a wide margin at twenty-one years old, there were people I respected and looked up to everywhere, and it is much harder to speak to people in, well, person. I’ve never appreciated the Internet so much. Thank fuck for email and Twitter DMs.
I was determined to present myself like a proper adult and not hide away the entire conference. I wore my name badge proudly, loving the tangible proof that I was Ryn (despite the unexpected difficulty with pronunciation. Oops). I went to panels. I talked to people and made lots of new friends. Of particular relevance is one of a handful of sex toy makers and erotic artists tabling at Woodhull: Kenton of Funkit Toys.
Kenton was incredibly enthusiastic and delighted to answer questions. I’d heard of his work before, but I still got a big stupid grin on my face when I heard “I design toys for bodies, not genders.” Yes, hello, can I just clone this man a few hundred times and put him in charge of sex toy marketing everywhere?? I hovered around his table admiring his work and eavesdropping on his conversations like a total creep. It took me a while to ask if he ever worked with reviewers.
To my extreme relief, he told me he needed to do so more and offered me a business card before stopping, reconsidering, and asking what I would be interested in reviewing, since he had everything here at Woodhull. When I expressed interest in the NoFrillDos, he opened a huge chest full of JUST the R, G, and B NoFrillDos. I have never seen so many dildos in one place. I may never see that many dildos in one place again. It was awe-inspiring. He dug out three models in three colors and handed them to me like the dildo chest was no big deal.
I dubbed the NoFrillDos “Twist It”, “Pull It”, and “Bop It”, because I kept forgetting which one was which. My attention-deficit brain didn’t like the one-letter names, especially since the letters don’t match (my R is yellow, my G is blue, and my B is magenta). I love the acronym joke (RGB in CMYK, hahaha), but I named them after an old favorite game to keep myself sane. The R is ‘Twist It’, the G is ‘Pull It’, and the B is ‘Bop It’. I’m not alone, either! Spectrum named them Bumpy, Twisty, and Curvy, to my delight, and SheVibe gave them adorable names like “Lemon Drop” and “Bluetini With A Twist”.
I went into NoFrillDo testing understanding that these are intended to be cheap, easy-to-make dildos. I didn’t expect any of them to blow my mind, after my toys with dramatic curves and interesting textures. And I was mostly…kind of…sort of right.
The Twist It (NoFrillDo R)
Unicorn style dildos have been a miss for me in the past, with the Bad Dragon Mystic (pretty, but entirely forgettable), but the Twist It had more defined ridges, and I was excited to see if they made a difference. Unfortunately, they didn’t. I don’t know if I just have the least nuanced vagina on the planet, or what, but the R just feels like a stick. It’s a nice stick, I guess, glossy, small, glides in and out well, but it feels…like a stick. Immensely boring. Twisting it makes it feel like a stick that’s moving slightly, but doesn’t help me feel the texture. I have the least to say about this one, because using it practically puts me to sleep. 4/10, would not fuck myself with again.
The Pull It (NoFrillDo G)
The NoFrillDo G or ‘Pull It‘ was the one I assumed I would like the best, since I generally like toys with curved, G-spotty heads. Unfortunately, I was wrong. The G is fine– it inserts with no trouble. The smooth shaft glides well with a bit of lube. The problem is, it can’t stay upright to save its life. Adding any lubrication whatsoever to the G makes it turn around in my vagina with no hope of orienting its tip toward my G-spot other than physically pulling it out and re-inserting it. No amount of caution stops it from moving, and the base and shaft don’t have any indicators as to which way is up. A more teardrop or at least oval base would go a long way toward making this something I would recommend. (Edit: the base has been redesigned!)
The small head is trouble, too. It’s too pinpoint. I’m used to big, pronounced heads that find my G-spot for me. If the G is off by even a little bit, it won’t hit my G-spot, and then I have to re-angle it for the eight thousandth time before I go back to thrusting. Slowly, because fast thrusting makes the G twist around and ruin my life. The G sort of works for a warmup, but then I have to take it out, set it aside, find another dildo, lube that up, and go back to masturbating. And that’s a lot of effort for a dildo that only sort of works. I’m lazy! I don’t want to babysit my sex toys!
The Bop It (NoFrillDo B)
This is where the NoFrillDos surprised me. The B struck me as, well, a boring straight dildo with a couple of bumps on the end. I figured it wouldn’t impress me. I had so many jokes ready to go about how B must stand for Boring. Unfortunately for my budding comedic routine, the B actually stands for Best. The slightly thicker shaft of the B makes all the difference here. The bumps are less prone to twisting around in my vagina than the G’s head, and they stroke my G-spot pleasantly. At 1.36″ in diameter and poured from the same glossy silicone as the others, the B makes a perfect warmup that can carry me through an orgasm or two easily. It’s soothing, reliable, and after the G, especially appreciated.
The $24 price tag on these dildos is a huge draw. Kenton set out to make inexpensive toys, and I kind of love him for it. If your vagina or butt is more sensitive than mine, pick up the R! If you’re not so into wild thrusting, the G may work for you! And pick up the B, regardless. You’ll thank me later.