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Funkit Toys is a gift to humanity. Kenton, the genius behind it, is the kind of person who makes dildo pun threads on Twitter , entire $690 silicone dildo chess sets, and candy corn butt plugs for Halloween. (Yes, I own one, obviously.) He makes beautiful, artistic body-safe dildo designs that put functionality first and foremost, and if you can’t …

Miriam Bayne had already had a very long day. Extrasystem travel still, after all the advances in space travel even within her lifetime, sucked. There just wasn’t a good way to bend space that didn’t result in each individual atom in your body whining about it. So she’d hardly paid attention to the well-meaning tour guide welcoming her to Cyerce …

Alright, listen up, because I have some complicated feelings about the Strange Bedfellas Joh. Nuance? In my reviews? It’s more likely than you think. I’ve never had to use my love AND hate tags on one post before. This is the side I think is prettier. Sadly, it’s the underside. The Appearance: My Joh is a small size in soft …

My horde of Uberrimes. From left to right: Sensi, Spiro, Amo, Dr. Manhattan, Supero. I love Uberrime wholeheartedly. Marco, its owner and resident dildo smith, is a wonderful human and talented with silicone. I have multiple dildos from Uberrime that I use regularly. To my sorrow, the Dr. Manhattan is the first one that will not be added to my …

The Doxy aluminum (or, as the British company says, a-lu-mi-ni-um) butt plugs are fancy. In two styles– smooth and ribbed– of solid, weighty metal, plus a cylindrical case that fits the plug perfectly (aka cat fur protectant), this one’s a treat to unpackage and hold in your hands. It’s a complete bitch to take photos of, due to the beautiful …

I’ve been lusting after the Rose Ball Gag since I first saw it. Somehow, it’s never occurred to me that ball gags can be pretty. I generally appreciate how they make folks look, but that’s because people are hot, not because the gags are especially aesthetically pleasing. Now Zalo’s taken the concept and created something elegant and gorgeous, something you …

My sexual awakening was gay erotic X-Men fanfiction. The Sensi, freshly washed. …I promise this is relevant to the review, okay? A pretty common theme in the depths of AO3 where I found myself was the idea of plugging a bottom to keep them “open” for their top, who was generally also their dom. In the magical realm of fanfiction, …

Last February, Vibease reached out to me to ask if I wanted to review their “Jewel Collection,” a trio of non-app-controlled vibrators they’d just released. I asked for Emerald and Ruby, the two clit stimulators, and they happily obliged. I was particularly excited about Ruby. You all know me– I love my weirdos, and that tweezer-like look had me hyped. …

Yuri in all its blue glory, sitting on its purple glitter pouch. Alright, look, we all know the world is on fire, and I’m not going to sit here and vent about shit we all know already. Everything is awful and I want to curl up into a ball and scream forever. But I’m not going to do that. I …

How To Fuck Up A Good Thing, by Ryn: A year ago, my blog was gaining traffic. I was getting more likes and clicks than ever. I had friends in the blogging community. Companies were finally taking me seriously. I had a backlog of things to review! It was exciting! And then the wave of responsibility crashed down over my …