Review: Blush Noje G Slim

What the fuck, is that its starting intensity??

-Me, turning the Noje G Slim on for the first time. It’s deceptively small, unassuming, a pale sage green. When you hold down its tiny + button, however, it roars to life at a truly impressive volume. This is not ‘whisper quiet’. This little egg on a stick means BUSINESS and it is not afraid to shout it. This vibrator could boo Trump at the World Series. This vibrator could be rhythm backup at a rock concert. Listen, the point is that it’s REALLY FUCKING LOUD. Louder than almost every other vibrator I own. If discreetness is a concern, I suggest either passing on this one or masturbating under a couple thick blankets.

The intensity of the vibrations is a definite downside internally. I found out quickly that I do not care for internal vibrations, especially not strong ones. Considering how much I love fucking the shit out of my G-spot, I was shocked. I was hoping the strength would be a plus, but at least internally, it’s not. It just distracts from whatever’s on my clit, and on its own, it feels irritating, not pleasurable, and it starts hella strong and fairly buzzy (with enough underlying rumble that it doesn’t just feel like bees).

As a non-vibrating G-spot finder, I like it a lot. The size is non-intimidating (1.5″ at the widest point of the head, and smaller everywhere else) and easy to insert. The material, ABS plastic, is body-safe and doesn’t take much lube to slick up. Its shape, a hooked ‘egg’ at a sharp angle followed by a straight shaft, is kind of a beginner-friendly version of my much-loved Amo. I’m several months out from finding my G-spot, but this toy has still been great for internal stimulation when I don’t want to bother with anything larger. I’m lazy, and sometimes narrow, easy toys are all I need in my life. The shaft of it is a triangular-ish shape, rounded off, easier to grip than if it was circular. It’s a good, ergonomic design choice, particularly on a toy made of slick plastic that doesn’t have much of anything to grab onto.

Honestly, though, I’ve mostly used it clitorally. My clit is way less picky than my G-spot, apparently. All it cares about is strength, and the G Slim isn’t buzzy enough to numb it before I can get off. I’m a bit of a power slut, but I like directed stimulation more than the vulvaquakes caused by wands. Strong, small rechargeables are where it’s at! The weird hooked egg plus the long shaft work well for unobtrusive clit stimulation– I appreciate not having to bend into a pretzel to make my dildos and vibrators work together, and have I mentioned it’s powerful? And not subtle in the least, mind you, but as a point of reference, I can’t feel my Mona’s lowest setting. I have to hold the button down and make it go up a couple intensity levels just to check if it’s on. I almost always go up to the highest power level. A vibrator that can get me off on the first one? Yes, please, I will keep this and use it forever, even if it’s never going near my G-spot with its horrifying power again.

Thank you, Blush Novelties, for sending me the G Slim to review! Pick one up at SheVibe ($35), Peepshow Toys ($35), or Betty’s Toy Box ($37)! Don’t have the spare money for a toy right now? I have a Patreon!